Some thoughts along the way

Today is good.

Tomorrow may be good.

Yesterday was not.

Today is not so good.

Today is bad.

Tomorrow will be bad too. At least I think it will.

Yesterday was good though.

So why isn’t it good today?

And why will tomorrow be bad?

But it wont be bad will it? Or will it?

 

Just at this moment, I feel good. Just at another moment I feel bad. I want to cry and I’m scared, I want to laugh and take on the world. I cannot see myself getting better.

Can I ?

 

Even though I am at home, I feel this way. And that way.

I felt this way in hospital, but not as much as I do now. I will also feel that way tomorrow, I think I will.

Deep down, I know I will get better, but I don’t believe it.

 

 

On a scale of 1 to 10 I feel a 4.

Yesterday I felt a 9.

Tomorrow I will feel a 2. But, if I had scored tomorrow yesterday, I would have been a 10.

My ribs hurt.

My collarbone hurts.

My back hurts.

My scar hurts.

My leg hurts.

I feel low. I don’t want to walk anymore. I feel frightened.

My leg is swollen. The scar is weeping. So is my chest scar.

I can walk without losing my breath now. No I cant, not today anyway.

I feel good walking today. No I don’t. Yesterday I did not feel so good walking. I can walk and talk today. I couldn’t yesterday. I feel down today but felt up yesterday.

I have a new lease of life now. Another chance.

Why don’t I believe it?

I do believe it. Today.

I may not believe it tomorrow.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Get a grip. I cant. Ok I will.

I should.

 

No-one else seems to be very concerned about it all though, so it must be alright.

They’re all professionals so I suppose what they tell me is right.

 

I know it is.

 

But I know better than them.

 

At least, I think I do and you cannot dispute what I think.

 

I think I will get a grip.

 

No. I cant.

 

I can.

 

Can I?

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